Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Genuine Class....Jeremy's...Iron...

Because I really don't want to do my Moot Court brief even though it's due next week and I'm WAY behind, here's what you get if you rearrange the letters for the key players in this election cycle. Some are kind of telling.

"McCain - Palin"
- Calm in Panic (Oddly enough, his campaign a month ago was the exact opposite)
- L.A. Man Picnic (Not sure, but the evangelicals can't be happy with this one...)
- AM: Nap, Clinic... (At 72, this would probably be his morning schedule.)

"Obama - Biden"
- Babe Domain (Sorority skanks for Change?)
- Nabob Media (Nailed it.)
- Bad Mean Bio (He's a bad mother-shut yo mouth- I'm just talkin' 'bout Barack...)

"Joe the Plumber"
- Lo, be the jumper!
- Bleep her jot, um (Dunno, but sounds dirty)
- Job, the um, Leper? (Suffering taxpayers without health care?)

"Bill Ayers"
- Bare Silly (That more or less sums it up)

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Top Drawer

If I weren't voting for McCain already, he'd have my vote won now. I found out that one of John McCain's lesser-known campaign promises is that if he is elected President, he wants the President to stand before Congress to answer questions about his policies, much like Prime Ministers do in parliamentary systems.

I generally don't like a parliamentary system of government because it tends to be instable (see Italy) and more prone to rash action than our system of government. However, I love this part of parliamentary systems. For those who have never seen Prime Minister's Questions, it is hilarious. Every Wednesday for half an hour, the British Prime Minister has to stand in front of Parliament and answer pointed direct questions from the opposition leader, and any MP who chooses to ask them. Robin Williams once described the process of British Parliament being "just like Congress, except with a two-drink minimum."

I'm not sure if it would work in the United States, but at the very least it's an interesting idea.

Part of the appeal of watching Prime Minister's Questions is hearing all the different accents that you get from just a country the small size of the UK. I'd love to hear some good ol' boy from Texas or Alabama just get up and grill the President on the latest failed policy. Jolly good.

Friday, October 24, 2008

The 10 Worst Political Ads of the Season

They're all here. Get your fill of Congressional candidates picking up dog poop, token appearances by their families, and songs, yes, songs written about them.

Kind of sad to think the stuff my TV has been bombarded with is the cream of the crop.

HT: Friend of YCP Monica

Not Healthy for Arteries or Economies

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Don't Blame Me, I Voted for Kodos

Pretty spot on piece from the Arizona Republic on why neither party deserves to win this election, and how pretty much every policy being articulated by both parties is a bad idea.

Also of note, the author's name is Rob Robb.

Desperate McCain appeals to dead pet demographic

DAYTONA BEACH, Fla. -- In a bold attempt to narrow the widening margin between himself and Democratic Senator Barack Obama, GOP presidential candidate John McCain delivered a speech today appealing to dead pet voters, a demographic that many political insiders say will determine the election.

"I promise America this," announced McCain during a rally at a Daytona Beach dog show on Thursday, "that when I'm in the Oval Office, I'll see to it that all deceased pets will receive quality health care, a good education, tax breaks, and a decent cloud to live on."

The new strategy comes in response to reports that dead pets have registered to vote in record numbers this election, particularly in Illinois, New Mexico, Ohio, and Florida. Recent polls have indicated that dead pets represent one of the voting demographics with the highest percentage of uncommitted voters.

"Under my economic plan, the post-mortem tax will be repealed for all animals, and I will provide loans to all dead pets whose clouds are in foreclosure," added McCain. The plan will also allow deceased cats who are unsatisfied with their dry cat food to create an untaxed savings account that can be used toward purchasing Whiskas Premium with Heaven Crystals cat food.

Critics have received the plan with much skepticism, citing the difficulties created by the current financial crisis.

"I'm just not sure how some of the proposals are feasible, given the deficit accumulated in recent weeks by the banking industry bailout," says economist William Soderberg. "If the prices of corn and heaven crystals continue to rise, the tax-free cat food accounts could lead to drastic cuts in other government programs, including Social Security."

At the rally, McCain also spoke of homeland security issues. "We will stop at no length to hunt down and capture deadly terrorists both at home and abroad," McCain said to a chorus of panting and sack-licking. "Not only will they be brought to justice, but they will be miniturized and sent to doggie heaven to be chew toys for all the innocent puppies that have been slain by their malicious acts."

Senator Obama responded to McCain's appeals to dead pets at an appearance in Indiana, where the Democratic nominee trails by five points. "Bottomless water bowls, tummy rub vouchers, shinier halos--These are the same failed Bush administration policies that have hurt this country the last eight years."

Senator McCain plans to spend the rest of Thursday making appearances in Florida before traveling to Colorado on Friday.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

YCP Brings the Funny

Even better than sports humor, on behalf of the fine folks at YCP I bring you the Wednesday funnies.

First off, we have the Onion's take on terribly inaccurate pollster John Zogby (who predicted a large Kerry victory in 2004 and has the current race in a dead heat).

To cap things for today, here's former McCain and Republican strategist Mike Murphy on everyone's "favorite" hockey mom Sarah Palin and her $150,000 shopping spree. Of particular interest to this poor bastard currently slaving away at Macy's:

What you sneering critics in the liberal MSM fail to see here is… a Jobs Program! Saks floorwalkers, cashiers, a team of sweating porters to haul the merchandise from the store to the motorcade… chiropractors to treat those porters. Sarah Palin knows how to create jobs!

Opening the Can of Worms

At the very least, an interesting editorial from the Boston Globe, a paper that recently endorsed Senator Obama, on why the "worst case scenario" of McCain's proposed health care plan might not be a terrible idea.

Asks questions I think both candidates are not being asked during this campaign for fear of the answer being politically unpopular.

I've long been an opponent to any sort of government-run health care, but at the same time realize that at present, the situation is not working for a lot of people. I'm not sure if I support this idea, but the writer's ideas intrigue me, and I would like to subscribe to his newsletter...

Wish I could Say I'm surprised

but I'm not.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

The Truth Exposed

A not so subtle message from the GOP over the past few elections has finally come to the surface, as apparently only "Real Americans" support them and liberal people like myself "aren't American." I guess having an intelligent, free thinking mind eliminates you from being part of today's GOP. Reading the writings from our forefathers like Thomas Paine, Thomas Jefferson, and Ben Franklin must be troubling for them, but I'd guess they must not be "Real Americans" either. For anyone that questions why I hate the fundies that have destroyed the Republican party, just wait for the evidence to keep mounting and my patriotism to continue to be questioned. The irony of all of this is that the fundies new hero Sarah Palin (and especially her husband) have ties to the Alaskan separatist party, so apparently they must have issue with the "Real America."

Where was THIS John McCain the last...uh, year or so?

John McCain roasts Obama, others at the Al Smith Dinner McCain starts at about the 7 minute mark, Obama starts at about the 23 minute mark.

Also - in an amazing twist, McCain is funnier than Obama (albeit with much better material), and whomever writes Obama's jokes should have been fired and replaced for the evening by either Chris Rock, Wanda Sykes or Seth Meyers. Come on, Barry, you know they'd all jump at the chance.

(Video courtesy C-Span's YouTube channel)

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Just for shits and giggles

Sarah Palin's completely ridiculous appearance on Weekend Update.

Ridiculous Sarah Palin Rap - Watch more TV Videos

Does Anyone Else Find it Ironic?

that McCain worked hard for the passage of the McCain-Feingold campaign finance reform law, with the goal of creating a level playing field, yet he is now being outspent by Obama 3-to-1?

Whoops. Imagine that. Campaigns need money.

And supporters...

And viable candidates...

The Best Part

About our awesome new banner from Vinnie is that the picture of Al Franken is of him as Stuart Smalley.


Friday, October 17, 2008

What the Fuck?

Perhaps the greatest thing about the Drudge Report is the way in which the editor selects pictures to go with the sometimes unrelated headlines on the site. They're meant as attention grabbers, and are sometimes hilariously misleading or just plain baffling.

Case in mothafuckin' point:

Colin Powell might endorse Obama...developing...

Accompanying this headline?


What the headline should have said:

Powell to endorse Obama as new album drops Friday...developing...

The Exact Moment John McCain Realized He Hates Running For President

I think this lady worked in the cafeteria at my high school.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

King for a Day

Whoever wins, at least we know this guy will be taken care of:

A Note On Lobbyists and "Special Interests"

Too often in this campaign, from both candidates, I've heard some variant of the phrase, "I won't represent lobbyists or special interests or corporate interests, I'll represent the American people."

It always meets with roaring applause, since most people at rallies are not lobbyists. But the obvious question is never asked "Who do lobbyists and special interest groups represent?"

Well, if you are a union member, you have lobbyists working for you in Washington.

If you are a school teacher, you have lobbyists working for you in Washington.

If you own a small business, you have lobbyists working for you in Washington.

If you own a firearm, you have lobbyists working for you in Washington.

If you support expanded constitutional freedoms, you have lobbyists working for you in Washington.

If you are pro-life or pro-choice, you have lobbyists working for you in Washington.

If you are a farmer, you have lobbyists working for you in Washington.

If you are retired, you have lobbyists working for you in Washington.

If you drive a car, you have lobbyists working for you in Washington.

It is hard to find a policy position or line of work that is not represented in DC on some level. It could well be argued that Americans are better represented by lobbyists than they are by their own Members of Congress. While interest groups are not elected, they more specifically represent voters' concerns. You can't expect any member of Congress to be an expert on every issue facing the country. So they bring in the experts more closely associated with the issues to advise them on the best course of action for industry, education, labor, etc.

After the election, the only thing that will change is which lobbyists are thrown out and which ones are ushered in, and which ones move higher up the list in prominence in terms of getting their issues heard.

While there are occasional scandals like Abramoff, those are the exception, not the rule.

But the idea that a President (or any major political figure for that matter) won't listen to lobbyists or special interest groups is as absurd as it is false.

Let's all welcome Vinnie, an invaluable asset to this fine blog

Thanks for the kind words, guys. Yes, I'm finally joining this blog.

I figured I should start off with a little introduction. It's unclear to me where I stand politically, but I think it's somewhere between libertarian and radical socialist but mostly disinterested outside of entertainment purposes. Other than legalizing the ganj, I don't think I have a hard, passionate stance on any political issues, at least not as they directly relate to what the government's role is and/or should be. As far as I'm concerned, politics on the whole is mostly a big pissing contest that gives people with humungous egos a leg-up in banging younger women and a way to piggyback social changes occurring beyond the influence of policy so that they can take credit for them. No big news there.

Having said that, I do enjoy wasting time and making sport of things that people take too seriously to amuse myself. And if I'm convinced of one thing, it's that anyone who's super-passionate about getting their dude in office vastly overrates the importance of the legislative process. I could be totally wrong, but that's never deterred me from preaching the gospel before.

Anyway, now that I've joined the blog, I'm gonna try to run the show as I always do. First order of business: Can we do something about the generic template, guys? Isn't it bad enough that there's a hundred thousand billion soon-to-be-abandoned hack political blogs out there that we shouldn't at least try to make this one more visually interesting if we hope that anyone will give it more than a glance? Jesus, guys. I mean, seriously. Shape up. I'll get working on one of those crazy collage-style banners.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Obama and Chicago Politics

I've been seeing a lot of the new McCain ad about Obama's having been "raised" in Chicago's political scene and I've gotta say, they're pretty funny. Not funny ha-ha necessarily, but funny because, really - what the fuck do you expect?

It's Chicago politics. For Obama to come this far with only 'minor' political scandals attached to his name is pretty impressive. Being shocked by any of this is like having a crack baby and then being shocked when the kid grows up with a predilection towards addictive behavior. Personally, I'm impressed that there's no documented proof of Obama and numerous members of the Daley family tossing mob stoolies into the Chicago river on St. Patrick's Day.

Gives Whole New Meaning to "O Face"

When I first met Barack Obama in April 2005, politics aside, my first impression was that the guy was a huge dick.

Seems someone else agreed.

Hat tip to Friend of YCP The General.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Angry at Anger

I'm finding reporting by the media on the "anger" and "hatred" being "stirred up" at McCain rallies a little much. 1.) Because I think it's vastly overstated, and 2.) Because it's not just McCain supporters.

Now now, before anyone starts tossing around the R word, that's not what I have in mind. People who are voting against Obama simply because he is black or they think he's a terrorist or a Muslim have their own agenda and own reasons for voting for him. Those reasons are stupid, off-base, and as a common-sense conservative, I cannot disagree with them more. Personally, I think there's plenty of reasons to vote against Obama even if he was a white guy named Barry Smith.

First of all, it's a political rally! I've been to plenty of them, and let me tell you, it is probably the farthest thing from a rational discourse on public policy. You're not only there to root for your guy, but you're in a room of like-minded people who think your guy is the greatest and the other guy is the worst thing that could possibly happen to the country.

In that sense, it's more akin to a sporting event, where you cheer your own team and heckle the other side, regardless of accuracy. That's a given simply due the nature of the event. Many fans at a Cubs-Sox game are going to tell a .374 hitter that he sucks, despite his illustrious stats. Fans' labels stem simply from the fact that he is on the other side, not due to any specific attribute. CNN doesn't report on the "anger and hatred" being fomented when the Cubs play the White Sox, even though it's palpable in the air.

During the 2004 campaign I heard plenty of things that were not complimentary to President Bush or Senator Kerry that were in many cases far worse, and with far less veracity than what has been said at McCain rallies. Remember "Bush Lied, People Died" "Bush is a Nazi" and so on? It comes with the territory.

Second, anger cuts both ways. If we're going to have a rational discussion about...rational discussion in this campaign, let's mention all sides, like this McCain march through the Upper West Side of Manhattan. (Ignore the text overlays. That's not what I'm getting at, and at times is just as stupid as the Obama supporters in this video.)

Wow, that was a lot of kind, genteel, not angry, and perfectly rational political discourse. Nazi Germany? Boos? Middle fingers? Mindless chanting? The sad thing is that this is exactly what the Bill of Rights was written for...

Perhaps some mention on these protesters at a Sarah Palin event? I won't be posting the picture directly. For those with curious eyes, you can click here. In the picture, four people wear T-shirts where Gov. Palin is referred to as a derogatory term for women that rhymes with "hunt." Can you imagine the appalled media reaction if people had shown up at Obama rallies wearing T-shirts referring to the Illinois Senator by the N-word? How much press they would get?Regardless of what people think about Sarah Palin's qualifications or politics, those two examples are completely indistinguishable in my book. The "Obama is an Arab/Terrorist/Whatever" press firestorm is a perfect example of this, yet I don't see the tactless anger towards McCain and Palin getting nearly the same press.

In conclusion, when reading reports of the anger and hatred stirred up at McCain rallies, 1.) Keep it in context, and 2.) Let's examine both sides. It's not just Dumbass McCain supporters who are "fueling the anger." There's a healthy dose of Obamaniacs in there too that are not getting nearly as much airtime. Report them both, but more preferentially, report neither, as neither deserves to be part of our national debate.

Sounds About Right

Saturday, October 11, 2008

The Death of True Conservatives

One trend we have seen during this election cycle has been the seeming extinction of old time conservatives in favor of the neo-con movement that brought us eight awful years of W's governing (and in their perfect world would give us Sarah Palin as President of the United States in 2012). Even though I definitely lean to the left on all non-economic issues and will generally cast my vote for Democrats because of this, I greatly respect the old time fiscal conservatives who want smaller government (I was actually opposed to the Bailout Bill that Congress recently passed). However, today's neo-cons lack not only the intellectual capacity to deal with many of today's complex issues both here and abroad but also deviate away from the small government ideals that made their party (Repubicans) a legitimate alternative for those pocketbook voters who prefer smaller central government. Quoting Mike, the one conservative voice on our blog, about his thoughts during the Republican convention: "Those clowns in Minnesota do not represent me." For the betterment of this country, I hope that conservatives either shun the neo-con principles that have corrupted Republicans or break away from this faction and form their own party that gives a legitimate voice to people who may disagree with liberal policies but do not want to be boxed in as "stereotypical Joe Sixpacks."

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

It Would Be More Entertaining If She Dropped the ACTUAL First Puck

I imagine the McCain campaign feels Charlie Gibson, Gwen Ifil, and Katie Couric were too easy, she needs to be toughened up by the town where they booed Santa Claus.
UPDATE: Surprise! Palin received a Philadelphia welcome. I'll bet this comes as a real shocker to everyone.

Also, during the post-game interview, the host is quite possibly drunk.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

The Right is Wrong Again

Getting their asses kicked in the polls, the advisers to John McCain and Sarah Six-Pack have decided to brand Obama as someone who pals around with terrorists because of his connections to William Ayers. Except for the fact that Obama's relationship with Ayers consisted primarily of belonging to the same bipartisan Chicago organizations to improve education and the bipartisan charity Woods Fund of Chicago. Of course, the facts and neo-con politics generally do not together and discussing issues during a campaign remains a foreign concept to the radical right wing that has ruined the Republican party.

What would you have to say?

To get the instant-feedback-o-meters to hit 100 or zero?

I personally find this mode of surveying to be about the dumbest ever. If you get a group of evenly split voters, and take the results as an average, then naturally, there's not going to be much movement in the squiggly lines as everyone cancels each other out. Good comments will be slightly above average. Bad comments will go slightly below average.

With that in mind, here's what each candidate on each party's tickets would have to say tonight (or in any debate) to get the registers to hit 100% and 0%.
Barack Obama: 100%
"In my administration, I promise free everything for everyone. Not just free healthcare, but a lollipop at the end too. Hell, why not just at the end of doctor's checkups? Under my watch, we will give Americans the health care they need, but also free Tootsie Roll pops that they don't. Free candy for everyone!"

Barack Obama: 0%
"Yea, I knew Bill Ayers. He's my boy! We were actually working on a project back in the 70s to blow up the World Trade Center, but someone beat us to the punch. Those bastards. Never again..."

John McCain: 100%
"So this one time when I was in a North Vietnamese prison trying to reknit my tortured, broken bones with an American flag..."

John McCain: 0%
One last angry tirade laced with obscene profanity and pockmarked with unspeakable racial slurs directed towards Barack Obama, Osama bin Laden, and Ho Chi Minh.

Sarah Palin: 100%
Cocks head to side. Rapidly blinks eyelashes adorably.

Sarah Palin: 0%
"This one time, I done took down a polar bear from the back of ma truck with a shotgun! It was real bitchin'! Yeeeeeeeeeehaw!"

Joe Biden: 100%
Growing up in my blue-collar, working-class, Irish Catholic, lunch-pail, hard-working, rooting-for-the-Pittsbugh Steelers, small-town..."
Joe Biden: 0%
"What are you talking about? I never said Sarah Palin was unqualified because she's a first-term governor. I said she was unqualified because she's a woman."

Monday, October 6, 2008

September Madness

Given the current state of the market, gambling is actually looking like a relatively safe investment...

Friday, October 3, 2008

Voting for McCain and even I hate this asshole...even in kid form

"So, What, Specifically, Would You Say...You Do Here?"

All the focus on the election has got me wondering: what the hell is Bush doing these days? He's barely ever in the news, I haven't really seen him on TV since he went on to discuss the proposed bailout and he's got only 4 months left in office.

If he's anything like me when I've put in my two weeks notice at a job, his day looks a lot like this:

9:30: Show up to work, unshowered and unshaved.
9:30-11:15: Check email, catch up on new posts on Fire Joe Morgan, Deadspin and Drudge
11:15 - 1:00: Lunch with Condi Rice at Applebee's
1:00 - 1:45: Sit on the can, reading the Washington Post sports section
1:45 - 2:30: Check email
2:30 - 3:15: Quick nap to recharge batteries
3:15 - 4:00: Read movie trivia from IMDb
4:00: Head home and hit the couch

Please Explain This To Me

As a simple, handsome Democrat, I was confused about a couple of things Sarah Palin alluded to in the debate last night:

1. Conservativism in its truest sense (and not the Bush sense) is all about small, unintrusive government. That is - deregulation, low taxes and generally little interference from overreaching federal programs and policies. Now, in the wake of the current economic crisis, Republicans like Sarah Palin are placing the blame on...not enough regulation and oversight from the federal government?

SNL actually hit this pretty well last week in a sketch about the Wall Street problems: Kristin Wiig, playing a Russian stripper says something to the effect of: "You Americans are so stupid. When economy is good you say no big government. When economy bad you say 'Help me big government!'"

2. Sarah Palin remarked a few times about how she was taken aback by the rampant greed on Wall Street that led to the current financial climate. She has apparently never heard of this guy:

Come on, Sarah. This movie came out in 1987. There's even a pretty famous scene in which one of the main characters gives a pretty famous speech about greed. And Wall Street. And Sarah - the title of the movie is WALL STREET.

Also, on a related note - please stop (and I mean everyone) with the "we need to get off Wall Street and focus on Main Street." It smacks of pandering and it's stupid because it really whitewashes over the fundamental role that 'Wall Street' plays in the economic situation on 'Main Street.' I'd like to hope (probably foolishly) that most people see how much of a stupid sound-byte oversimplification this is...

Let's Review

John Madden: Born in 1936
John McCain: Born in 1936

McCain and Madden: Names both contain 10 letters.

McCain and Madden: Both poorly impersonated by Frank Caliendo.

McCain and Madden: Both famous bus-riders

McCain and Madden: Both afraid of water

McCain: Combat duty begins in 1967.
Madden: Coaching career begins in 1967.
McCain: First Senate term begins in 1987.
Madden: First John Madden Football game debuts in 1988.

Madden and McCain: Both masters of the obvious, i.e.,
Madden: "Here's a guy who when he runs, he moves faster."

Madden: Handed out "nuclear turkeys" with as many as eight legs on Thanksgiving.
McCain: Favors increased use of nuclear power.

McCain and Madden: Both regular fixtures on NBC

Madden: "Boom! Tough-actin' Tinactin!"
McCain: "Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran"

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Is It Just Me...

Or did it seem at times tonight that Joe Biden reminded you of someone trying to reason with a child that keeps asking the same ridiculously stupid questions? Or maybe a drunk. Yeah, more like a drunk.

Either way, Sarah Palin - you are laughably unprepared for the situation you've put yourself in. Enjoy your time in the spotlight, then go 'head and shuffle back to little ole' Alaska after Barry and Biden whoop that ass.

Also - congratulations to Mrs. Palin for being (I can only assume) the first VP candidate to use the terms "shout out," "back in the day" and "you betcha" in a nationally televised debate for the second highest motherfletching OFFICE IN THE UNITED FUCKING STATES!!!! WHY IS IT THAT YOU PEOPLE DON'T GET HOW MUCH OF A SAD COMMENTARY ON OUR COUNTRY IT IS THAT WE'RE EVEN CONSIDERING A PERSON WITH HER CREDENTIALS AS A VIABLE CANDIDATE?!?!?!?!?!?!


/blows brains out

/just kidding

/unless she wins